Crooked Quotes from ABSCAM and Beyond

ABSCAM Deal Going Down

Below is a small bouquet of quotes from Philly crooks, wise guys and scammers.

Congressman Michael “Ozzie” Myers, caught in the Abscam sting: 
“In business money talks and bullshit walks.”

State Senator LeAnne Washington, chewing out an underling:
“I am the fucking senator. I do what the fuck I want and ain’t nobody gonna change me.”

George X. Schwartz, city council president, caught in Abscam sting:
“We got five, six (city council) members. You tell me your birthday; I’ll give them to you for your birthday. ”

U.S. Senator Boies Penrose was never embarrassed to talk politics:
“I’ll take money from any man. You can’t run a party on nothing, and when you need money the place to get it is from them that have it.”

Chaka “Chip” Fatah Jr. convicted of $1.1 million in various fraudulent scams told the judge at sentencing:
“I didn’t know anything I did was a violation of the law.”

All-time scoundrel T. Milton Street, who refused to pay traffic tickets even when he worked for traffic court and owed $2,000 in unpaid tickets:
“Why the fuck should I pay?” Earlier he declared: “I had a choice . Either spend the money on tickets or elsewhere. I chose to spend it elsewhere.”

Connie Mack and the Hunchback of Philadelphia

Many people think that there is way too much political correctness nowadays. For instance, it’s not correct to say “midget” or dwarf.” “Little people” is the accepted term. But in 1915 everyone called Hughie McLoon a “hunchback dwarf” and nobody thought it was offensive.

Even more insensitive, Connie Mack hired little Hughie to be the mascot of the Philadelphia Athletics. Players actually rubbed his deformed back for good luck before stepping into the batter’s box.

Apparently gnomish Hughie brought the As very little luck. His two-year stint with the club, 1915-17, were among the team’s worst years.

Also, the teenager was a bit of a wise guy. However, his gig with the team made him a well-known character around town. During prohibition he hung around with some of the city’s bootleggers and gangsters.

Because he was so well-known it was front-page news when little Hughie was shot dead in Center City in 1928.

Perhaps, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but the murder seemed to spark more gangland killings.

Imagine what it would be like if the Philly Phanatic was gunned down in Center City, one writer penned. Well, Hughie was not as beloved as the furry Phanatic , but his murder did shock the city.

Archaeology in Philadelphia Can Be A Dirty Business

Probably no American city has had more archaeological digs than Philly.

The usual finds are mostly broken pottery, bottles, hand-made bricks and bones from 240 year-old pot roasts. 

But once in awhile there’s a surprise item - like ye early American pornography.

In a thick book entitled “The Buried Past” by Penn archaeologist John Cotter, he tells of a “carved phallic end of a wooden shaft” found in an old privy pit “near the East Wing of Independence Hall.”

You might also call it a wooden circumcised penis or more crudely yet, a dildo. Its use was most likely as a barrel stopper. And it probably gave the boys in the tavern a good chuckle.

Yes, our founding fathers liked a good smutty joke and most of them smoked clay pipes. The smokers often carried a pipe tamper. The diggers have found the top piece of two metal pipe tamper, also called finials, depicting a man and women making love in the standing position.

One was dug up near Carpenters Hall, the other on the 300 block of Cypress Street. Since the naked couple are making love under a tree some think they represent Adam and Eve. So the smoking pipe tool is not only smutty, it’s sacrilegious to boot.

Dumb Things Said By Philadelphia Tourists: Part Two

More to add to the growing collection:

“Is that the real Liberty Bell?”

Guides at Fort Mifflin, where a major Revolutionary War battle occurred, are frequently
asked, “Why did they build the fort so close to the airport?”

The City Hall tour office once got a question on William Penn’s statue. “Does it rotate?”
The tourist seemed sure the Penn statue seemed to move from day-to-day.

Philadelphia Surgeons Cutting It Close

This is a story about two surgeries and two surgeons. 

These unique tales come from the “Memoirs of William Williams Keen.”

Known as Dr. W.W. Keen. He was born in 1837 and died at age 95 in 1932. He lived to see some dramatic advances in medicine - such as the germ theory, as this first anecdote will show.

Keen attended Jefferson Medical School where he studied under the nation’s greatest surgeon, Dr. Samuel Gross, whose books on military surgery were used by both sides in the Civil War.


One evening in 1862 Gross asked student Keen to assist in removing a damaged piece of bone in the calf area of an old soldier wounded 50 years ago. Just the fact that Gross would operate on the old man’s home sofa, tells us something about the lack of knowledge of cleanliness and infection.

Even worse, Keen tells us: “as was often his custom Dr. Gross whetted his knife on his boot.”

By 1887, thanks to Joseph Lister, a great deal was known about cleanliness and germs and Keen was on his way to becoming Philly’s top surgeon. He was one of the world’s first surgeons to remove a brain tumor.

Of course, Keen did not whet his scalpel on his boot. He didn’t even use a scalpel.

He proudly writes that the brain tumor was exactly where he predicted. But it was large (7 1/2inches), so Keen had to remove additional bone.

“My heart sank within me at the prospect of only attempting its removal. But no other course was possible, so I passed my little finger around its margin and peeled it out as easily as one scoops a hard-boiled egg out of its shell with a spoon.”

Keen writes that only two or three brain tumors of this size had ever been removed at the time. He tells us the patient was alive and healthy 28 years later.

So, there it is: two of the greatest surgeon of their times - one honed a scalpel on his boot, and the other removed a tumor with his fingernail.

Artist Isaiah Zagar Remembers: A Crime of Real Passion on South Street

Over the decades, a lot of weird things have happened on South Street. But the story artist Isaiah Zagar tells sounds like something a short story writer would invent.

Zagar and his wife, Julia, were among the starving artists that brought South street back to life in the late 1960s and 1970s.

“It was in the late ‘60s,” Zagar says. “There was a bread baker – he had learned baking in prison – on South between 3rd and 4th street".

“Living above the baker in the second floor apartment was a young woman – an artist and designer,” says Zagar.

Zagar says her apartment was invaded in the pre-dawn hours by a burglar who came through a window. His entrance woke the woman.

Here’s where the story gets hard to believe. Instead of robbing the woman, the two made passionate love. In fact, it was the first act in an affair that Zagar claims lasted about two years.

“He hung around until the baby was born,” says Zagar. Yes the cat burglar and the artist produced a love child.

Well, that’s Zagar’s story and the creator of the wonderfully creative South Street Magic Garden sticks by it.

The Slings And Arrows of Philly Politicians

Dilworth, Rizzo and Street: No Holds Barred

A few politicians manage to insult – sometimes destroy - their political opponents with humor. 

Here are a few examples from Philly politics.

In the mayoral race in 1955 Democrat Richardson Dilworth used this humorous description of GOP opponent Thacher Longstreth: “A big good-natured human replica of a Saint Bernard puppy. The only drawback being he doesn’t have a keg of brandy hanging from his neck.”

During a debate between Frank Rizzo and GOP challenger Tom Foglietta, Rizzo declared: “If you had any sense, you could take a reading of this crowd here today and go home and slit your throat.”

Running for mayor for the first time in 1947 Democrat Richardson Dilworth had “kind words” for incumbent Mayor Bernard Samuels; “Barney Samuels is a nice little guy, I don’t mean he wouldn’t cut your balls off, but he was always a nice little guy.”

Philadelphia’s all-time champion rascal, T. Milton Street, attacked incumbent Mayor Michael Nutter: “What I want you guys (press) to do when you get home is stop at an electric store and get you a one-watt light bulb. And go into a room and plug it in. Turn out all the lights, and you’re going to see how bright (Nutter) is.”