Philadelphia Put-Downs by the Rich and Famous

Some on-target quotes about Philadelphia:

Garrison Keillor, a native of Lake Woe-Be- Gone said:
“Philadelphia has the worst food - as a result it has the best hospitals.”

According to rapper/inmate Meek Mill:
“I think everybody in Philadelphia has been shot at.”

Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky captured the love/hate feelings of many residents:
“Sometimes Philly seems to be a beautiful city filled with ugly people and awful habits.”

Comedian Joey Bishop was also a tap dancer early in his career:
“Everyone could tap dance in South Philly – because it was cold outside, it would keep you warm.”

Well, It's Better Than 'The City that Bombed Itself'

A Fitting Slogan for Philly?
“Not As Bad As Philadelphians Say It Is”

Suppose you work for the ministry of tourism of Iceland and must create a catchy slogan to promote your nation. How about: “Come to Iceland and Freeze Your Ass Off.”

Or you have the same challenge for Brazil.
Here’s a good slogan: “You Will Love Brazil – If You Don’t Get Mugged.”
 
We doubt that such negative slogans would fly in either nation, but this is Philadelphia where a huge billboard on the Schuylkill Expressway once told those entering the city: “Philadelphia Is Not As Bad As Philadelphians Say It Is.”
 
The very large billboard went up in 1970 and was created and paid for by the city Chamber of Commerce. We can imagine tourists trying to make a U-turn on the Expressway after reading the message.

It did create a lot of talk – not only in Philly but in many out-of-town newspapers.

The slogan flowed from the creative mind of ad man Elliott Curson, who is currently still plugging away at his Rittenhouse Square ad agency. “Well it (the slogan) does keep coming up. It’s not forgotten,” he says.

Another slogan Curson once floated: “Philadelphia It’s Half-Way Between New York and Washington and It’s Waiting for You.”

Philadelphia had hit its nadir in the 1970s: bad sports teams, population loss, high crime, Blue laws, few good places to eat. So, the slogan might have been accurate, if not effective.

We’re not sure what the city slogan is these days.

But thank goodness a suggestion never caught on following the MOVE
disaster in 1985: “The City that Bombed Itself”

A Trio of Fine Authors Looks at Philly

Former Inquirer columnist Steve Lopez:
“It’s a city of bottom feeders. With no bottom.”
 
Author Bill Bryson:
“Philadelphia, the city that gave us Sylvester Stallone and Legionnaire’s disease.”

Pete Dexter, former Daily News columnist:
“It took me a long time to get used to Philadelphia. The weather, the traffic, the ground rules. I’d never seen a place where people were as rude to each other, for no reason. Of course, I hadn’t been to New York.”

Philadelphia Sports Joke: Playing Possum

A riddle about either the Eagles football team and the Flyers ice hockey
team.... This year it definitely applies to the Flyers.

QUESTION: What do the Flyers and a possum have in common?

ANSWER: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.”

Philadelphia is a Backwards Town

Philadelphia is so far behind the times that last week a postman was shot dead on the sidewalk in the mistaken belief that he was a Confederate soldier.

Eagles Go To Super Bowl and Win! New Quarterback is Hero

The Eagles football coach was desperately seeking a new quarterback with a good throwing arm when he happened to see on television a CNN report from the war zone of Afghanistan. 

He spotted an Afghani soldier who threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. He then threw a grenade another 70 yards into a chimney, and finally hit a passing car going 80 miles an hour. “The perfect arm! I’ve got to find this guy,” the coach declares.

He locates and brings the young Afghani to America and in a short time he picks up the game and is soon throwing amazing touchdowns and passes. Sure enough, the Eagles win the Super Bowl on the strength of the new quarterback’s arm.

After the game the elated sports hero calls his mother with the exciting news.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” says the old woman. “You deserted us, You are no longer my son.”

“Mother, I don’t think you understand I just won the most import sporting event in America,” he declares.

“No, let me tell you,” the woman responds. “At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week. And I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”

The old woman pauses and tearfully says,”I will never forgive you for making us move to Philadelphia!”

Philadelphia City Council: Not Ready For Prime Time

The room where City Council meets is quite ornate and impressive, but the members are often inarticulate, dim-bulbs, causing one anonymous wit to remark: “It’s like the cast of Guys and Dolls performing at Versailles.”

Alice-Leone Moats on The Philadelphia Scene

Writer Alice-Leone Moats wrote of Philadelphia’s upper-crust:

“Their parties remind me of the Gay Nineties – all the men are gay and the women are in their nineties.”

W.C. Fields on Philadelphia

A few jabs from the great W.C. Fields

'I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it
was on a Sunday'

'Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was
closed'

Hangman: 'Have you any last wish?'
W.C. Fields: 'Yes, I’d like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do'

Temple University: The Burger and Frosty of Higher Education? Grover Silcox Muses

“When I was at Temple University the slogan was. ‘I could have gone anywhere but I chose Temple.’ That’s like saying I could have eaten at La Bec Fin, but I chose Wendy’s, instead.”

- Grover Silcox, comic and TV personality

Trashing Philadelphia: Philly In Autumn by S.J. Perelman

"Philadelphia: a metropolis sometimes known as the City of Brotherly Love, but more accurately as the City of Bleak November afternoons. …,"
 - S. J. Perelman.

Police Story: Boxing Great Sonny Liston Remembers Philadelphia's Finest

Former heavyweight boxing champ Sonny Liston made his home in Philly for a few years. He said he was often harassed by our cops and gave us this quote:

“I’d rather be a lamp post in Denver than mayor of Philadelphia.”