Misquoting Franklin and Making The Most Of Your Almanac

Quick. What is Benjamin Franklin’s most famous wise saying?

You probably guessed, “A penny saved is a penny earned.”

This is a good guess, except Franklin scholars can’t find anywhere that Ben used these words.

What did appear in Poor Richard’s Almanac of 1737 was “A penny saved is two pence clear."
This seems to make a bit more sense. 

Occasionally, one of Ben’s sayings makes no sense in the 21st century:
“A pin a day is a groat a year.” 
Huh?

On the topic of almanacs, here’s a question: Why did our colonial forefathers buy an annual almanac?

No, no, no – not for weather predictions. No one took these annual predictions seriously.
Not even the most modern weather person can tell us in January if October will be rainy.

The real value of an almanac was found in the first 12 pages.
It was a calendar for the year.

Crooked Quotes from ABSCAM and Beyond

ABSCAM Deal Going Down

Below is a small bouquet of quotes from Philly crooks, wise guys and scammers.

Congressman Michael “Ozzie” Myers, caught in the Abscam sting: 
“In business money talks and bullshit walks.”

State Senator LeAnne Washington, chewing out an underling:
“I am the fucking senator. I do what the fuck I want and ain’t nobody gonna change me.”

George X. Schwartz, city council president, caught in Abscam sting:
“We got five, six (city council) members. You tell me your birthday; I’ll give them to you for your birthday. ”

U.S. Senator Boies Penrose was never embarrassed to talk politics:
“I’ll take money from any man. You can’t run a party on nothing, and when you need money the place to get it is from them that have it.”

Chaka “Chip” Fatah Jr. convicted of $1.1 million in various fraudulent scams told the judge at sentencing:
“I didn’t know anything I did was a violation of the law.”

All-time scoundrel T. Milton Street, who refused to pay traffic tickets even when he worked for traffic court and owed $2,000 in unpaid tickets:
“Why the fuck should I pay?” Earlier he declared: “I had a choice . Either spend the money on tickets or elsewhere. I chose to spend it elsewhere.”

Philadelphia Put-Downs by the Rich and Famous

Some on-target quotes about Philadelphia:

Garrison Keillor, a native of Lake Woe-Be- Gone said:
“Philadelphia has the worst food - as a result it has the best hospitals.”

According to rapper/inmate Meek Mill:
“I think everybody in Philadelphia has been shot at.”

Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky captured the love/hate feelings of many residents:
“Sometimes Philly seems to be a beautiful city filled with ugly people and awful habits.”

Comedian Joey Bishop was also a tap dancer early in his career:
“Everyone could tap dance in South Philly – because it was cold outside, it would keep you warm.”

A Trio of Fine Authors Looks at Philly

Former Inquirer columnist Steve Lopez:
“It’s a city of bottom feeders. With no bottom.”
 
Author Bill Bryson:
“Philadelphia, the city that gave us Sylvester Stallone and Legionnaire’s disease.”

Pete Dexter, former Daily News columnist:
“It took me a long time to get used to Philadelphia. The weather, the traffic, the ground rules. I’d never seen a place where people were as rude to each other, for no reason. Of course, I hadn’t been to New York.”

Senator Boies Penrose Suggests an Alternative To Church Membership

Boies Penrose, a U.S. senator 1897-1921 was known for his huge appetite for food and drink. 

When an advisor suggested that he join a church, Penrose disdainfully declared:
“I won’t do anything of the sort. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll promise to distribute my drinking more evenly among the saloons most popular with the pillars of the various churches.

“I already drink regularly with three Catholic priests, four of five Episcopal rectors and God knows how many Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian elders.

“As drinkers they have their weaknesses. The best drinkers I know are the Quakers. They are sober even when drunk.”

Marion Barry's Bet With Ed Rendell: Joe Conklin Muses

Conklin imagines a telephone conversation between former Mayor Ed Rendell and Washington, D.C. ex-Mayor Marion Barry, a man caught using drugs on tape.

“I’ll bet you a cheese steak sandwich that the Eagles beat the Redskins next Sunday,”
says Rendell.

“No, says Barry, ‘I want the crack in the Liberty Bell’.”

A Big Trip for the Ladies Cancelled: Joe Conklin, SEPTA and the Polonia Hall in Kensington

“There’s a sign in Polonia Hall in Kensington,” says funny guy Joe Conklin...

“It reads: ‘The Ladies Auxiliary Trip to the Islands has Been Cancelled...

...Because SEPTA has Removed the Islands from the Middle of Allegheny Avenue.’’

Frank Rizzo: How Popular Was The Philadelphia Mayor?

Advertising man Elliot Curson remembers Mayor Frank Rizzo saying: “I’m so popular that I walked into a funeral home the other day and everyone stood up except the guy in the coffin.”

Alice-Leone Moats on The Philadelphia Scene

Writer Alice-Leone Moats wrote of Philadelphia’s upper-crust:

“Their parties remind me of the Gay Nineties – all the men are gay and the women are in their nineties.”

W.C. Fields on Philadelphia

A few jabs from the great W.C. Fields

'I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it
was on a Sunday'

'Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was
closed'

Hangman: 'Have you any last wish?'
W.C. Fields: 'Yes, I’d like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do'

Temple University: The Burger and Frosty of Higher Education? Grover Silcox Muses

“When I was at Temple University the slogan was. ‘I could have gone anywhere but I chose Temple.’ That’s like saying I could have eaten at La Bec Fin, but I chose Wendy’s, instead.”

- Grover Silcox, comic and TV personality

Dumb Things Said By Philadelphia Tourists Part One: Chinese Colonists in Germantown?

“I didn’t know there were Chinese people here in colonial times,” commented an out-of- state tourist following a lecture on the Battle of Germantown.

The historian explained that major fighting happened at the Chew House -
not the Chu House.

Trashing Philadelphia: Philly In Autumn by S.J. Perelman

"Philadelphia: a metropolis sometimes known as the City of Brotherly Love, but more accurately as the City of Bleak November afternoons. …,"
 - S. J. Perelman.

Police Story: Boxing Great Sonny Liston Remembers Philadelphia's Finest

Former heavyweight boxing champ Sonny Liston made his home in Philly for a few years. He said he was often harassed by our cops and gave us this quote:

“I’d rather be a lamp post in Denver than mayor of Philadelphia.”

Danny Ozark on the Truth of Baseball: Philadelphia Phillies Sports Humor

“Half of the game is 90 percent mental,”
 - -  declared Phillies manager Danny Ozark.

Philadelphia School Days: Central High Standards

When Central High School was located at Broad and Green streets there was a church across the street with a carving above the door reading “Jesus Never Fails.” 

It inspired a student quip: “Well, Jesus never went to Central.”

- Bobby Shofner