Philadelphia City Council: Not Ready For Prime Time

The room where City Council meets is quite ornate and impressive, but the members are often inarticulate, dim-bulbs, causing one anonymous wit to remark: “It’s like the cast of Guys and Dolls performing at Versailles.”

When Quakers Get Angry!

The story is told of a respectable Quaker woman – who would never use profanity, but enraged by a rude policeman, she declared:

“When thee gets home, I hope thy mother will dash out from her kennel and bite thee.”

Marion Barry's Bet With Ed Rendell: Joe Conklin Muses

Conklin imagines a telephone conversation between former Mayor Ed Rendell and Washington, D.C. ex-Mayor Marion Barry, a man caught using drugs on tape.

“I’ll bet you a cheese steak sandwich that the Eagles beat the Redskins next Sunday,”
says Rendell.

“No, says Barry, ‘I want the crack in the Liberty Bell’.”

A Big Trip for the Ladies Cancelled: Joe Conklin, SEPTA and the Polonia Hall in Kensington

“There’s a sign in Polonia Hall in Kensington,” says funny guy Joe Conklin...

“It reads: ‘The Ladies Auxiliary Trip to the Islands has Been Cancelled...

...Because SEPTA has Removed the Islands from the Middle of Allegheny Avenue.’’

Frank Rizzo: How Popular Was The Philadelphia Mayor?

Advertising man Elliot Curson remembers Mayor Frank Rizzo saying: “I’m so popular that I walked into a funeral home the other day and everyone stood up except the guy in the coffin.”

Alice-Leone Moats on The Philadelphia Scene

Writer Alice-Leone Moats wrote of Philadelphia’s upper-crust:

“Their parties remind me of the Gay Nineties – all the men are gay and the women are in their nineties.”

Always Late Or Never: Les Waas and The Philadelphia Procrastinators Club

During the boring Eisenhower years and the dreadfully serious years of Vietnam and Watergate, some Philadelphians created a club just to lighten things up. 

The Procrastinators Club existed just for laughs. It made a virtue of the human foible of putting things off as long as possible. It was the brainchild of advertising man Les Waas.

Formed in 1956 with Waas as president, the club postponed putting off election of new officers forever. “We haven’t gotten around to holding our 1957 election yet,” Waas explained in 1974.

Perhaps, the most amusing project of the Procrastinators was a trip to London to picket the Whitechapel Bell Foundry to protest a defective bell sold to Philadelphia in 1752 – the Liberty Bell.
About 40 members. took the 1976 trip. Naturally, one member missed, the flight and forgot his passport. The firm which cast the bell more than 224 years earlier blamed the defective bell on “careless handling by the colonials after its arrival in Philadelphia.”.

The club sponsored a bus trip to New York’s World Fair the year after it closed. Only two buildings were open to the public. "We avoided the long lines,” boasted Waas.

They ate lunch at 6 p.m.

They marched against the War of 1812 while others were marching against the war in Vietnam.

The winter ski trip to the Poconos was held in August.
And its 4th of July picnic was held in January, indoors at the Latin Casino night club.
Picnickers arrived in shorts and bathing suits, sat on artificial turf while waiters served cold hot dogs and hamburgers.

A free club membership was awarded in 1974 to a Penn student for returning a book to the library that had been taken out by someone in 1905.

W.C. Fields on Philadelphia

A few jabs from the great W.C. Fields

'I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it
was on a Sunday'

'Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was
closed'

Hangman: 'Have you any last wish?'
W.C. Fields: 'Yes, I’d like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do'

Dumb Things Said By Philadelphia Tour Guides Part One: Greek Madness

A carriage driver, stopped in front of the Second National Bank on Chestnut Street near 4th, was overheard saying the building was an example of “reefer Bible architecture.”

The passengers – not believing their ears – asked the young woman to repeat her statement. Again she said “reefer Bible architecture.” 

Perhaps, the guide meant “Greek revival architecture,” suggested a passenger.

Temple University: The Burger and Frosty of Higher Education? Grover Silcox Muses

“When I was at Temple University the slogan was. ‘I could have gone anywhere but I chose Temple.’ That’s like saying I could have eaten at La Bec Fin, but I chose Wendy’s, instead.”

- Grover Silcox, comic and TV personality

Beer or Baseball? Philadelphia Athletics vs the Chicago Cubs: Herbert Hoover vs The World Series Crowd

When President Herbert Hoover came to Shibe Park to watch the third game of the 1929 World Series, pitting the Philadelphia Athletics against the Chicago Cubs, the fans wanted the President to know what they thought of the prohibition of alcoholic beverages.

Instead of cheering the President after he was introduced, fans chanted “Beer! Beer! We Want beer!” It might have been the first time a President was heckled in a non-political setting.

A New Kind Of Grain Export: Saudi Arabia Acquires New Jersey Sand

You had to read the headline twice to be sure you read it correctly.
 
It was about 20 years ago that the Associated Press sent out a brief story declaring that several shiploads of South Jersey sand had been sold to Saudi Arabia.

Everyone knows that sand is one commodity Saudi Arabia has in abundance. In fact, the entire country is nothing but sand.

However, the item explained that Jersey sand is vastly superior to Saudi sand when it comes to water filtration.

Dumb Things Said By Philadelphia Tourists Part One: Chinese Colonists in Germantown?

“I didn’t know there were Chinese people here in colonial times,” commented an out-of- state tourist following a lecture on the Battle of Germantown.

The historian explained that major fighting happened at the Chew House -
not the Chu House.

Baseball Mixup: Connie Mack and the Philadelphia Athletics vs the Detroit Tigers...or Not?

One day in 1912, Connie Mack’s Philadelphia Athletics trounced the Detroit Tigers by a whopping 24-2.. . . 

Well, it wasn’t exactly the Detroit Tigers that took such a licking.

The Detroit team was on strike that day in support of teammate Ty Cobb, who had been suspended for assaulting a fan. So as not to forfeit a payday, Tigers management fielded a team of locals, including several ballplayers from St. Joseph’s College.

 Other “Tigers” were just volunteers sitting in the stands. The make-believe Tigers got to wear real uniforms and were paid for the day.!